Never, no never, say the words "I understand" in response to someone hurting over the near demise of a loved one or after losing a loved one who passed on. You never understand; I never understand. You may have had a like experience of loss, but you are not that person and you are not looking at losing his or her loved one, or lost that one. You can say "I'm sorry," and many other things, but you cannot truthfully say "I understand." And you do not have to say anything. Many persons seem to think they have to say something like that, and it can sound inauthentic - trite. Sometimes, simply your presence and communication of that through your attention, your eyes, maybe even a gentle touch, can say enough, while words are not needed. Situations will differ, but you and I never understand. We are not an expert on the pain of another person.
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Really, we have no birthday, so, that means we have no deathday. Take away one, and you take away both. For birth is dependent on death, while death is dependent on birth.
When we awake - not just as an idea in the head - to the reality that "I am not a body" and "I am not a body and soul" - meaning, "The body is body, no more, no less...," we see the suffering brought to many around apparent death, for they have identified their loved ones and themselves as a body with a soul, or spirit.
From knowing I am not a body, I can cherish how Grace has manifested as you and me, as everyone. The awakened being does not disparage the body. He or she sees it as a miraculous revelation of Grace, yet body as body, temporary.
Then, I know - not just cognitively, but heartfully - that my brother Greg did not die; he died as my brother, as the body Greg - we might say He died as Greg the person. He lives on. My mother did not die. She died as my mother, but she herself did not die, could not die. The costume "person" dies, as it was born and was formed through life. We as persons are stories, the soul is prior to the stories and, so, unconditioned, pristine, the manifestation and reflection of the Purity and Glory of the Creator. The body ages, the soul is ageless, participating in the Godness of God.
So, how do we help persons who are suffering so under the illusion of the birthday and deathday, as they watch a loved one apparently die? One way is we hold in awareness the Truth for them, when they cannot see that Truth themselves. Whatever we do, we honor that they have every right to grieve the passing away of their loved one in the disguise and role the soul took as companion here with them. We do not jump to a conclusion that we need to inform them of such things as I am writing about here - as though we must try to correct them. We may, in some cases, be able gently to lead them to such insight, simply by taking their own faith and using its signs and symbols and teachings to open possibility for them to see a deeper meaning not finally in conflict with their faith or with their cherishing of their loved one. However, we cannot give anyone realization of this, even as we cannot give anyone true insight into anything. Anyway, instructing persons is not a priority around death, though it may become part of the process, and almost always will. The priority is to be with what he or she is thinking and feeling as his or her way of coping with the sense of loss, including concern about about how life will go on after the loved one passes on.
